SEE: Trump Towers Sinema

Let me preface this article by simply saying that any positive things I say about the cinema thats inside Trump Towers in Mecidiyeköy should not be mistaken for me endorsing the existence of Donald Trump. He is a gross caricature of a human being who is given too much coverage in the news and too much credence as some sort of political figure (I’m not a fan of him but even I felt sorry for Romney having to stand there in Las Vegas to be given an endorsement by this gross reptile with sh*t hair).

Right, with that out of the way let’s talk about Trump Towers Sinema. I had heard about the existence of the Towers but only saw them while passing through Şisli-Mecidiyeköy. Eventually though Tim said that we should check the cinema there out because it has a big screen and because no one goes to the Trump it is usually empty. We darted over and found that he was right on both counts. The whole mall inside the Towers is empty. Shop assistants fall over themselves to help you in stores that have two customers and twenty staff. It is the least stressful mall I’ve ever been in and also sort of the most depressing. A mall with no people in it is like a clown crying. Something’s just not right.


The seats are plush and new. They recline back but much like the Kanyon seats they require a certain amount of weight on them to hold them back and skinny little Fiona had a hard time keeping her reclined throughout the film.


F**k you, Cinemaximum. So it’s not just Kanyon that has the bone-crushingly bad interval, it’s every Cinemaximum. I feel bad for posting the Cinemaximum website as a Link We Like now as every film you go to see at these cinemas will be interrupted halfway through for an aural assault from the most annoying, unfunny, dick of a puppet this side of that dead terrorist bullsh*t thing that Jeff Dunham has (YouTube it…no, don’t…Don’t give it the satisfaction of being seen).


Minimal. For such a large cinema there wasn’t’ t much selection and no wild cards. Just outside the cinema however there was a place that was possibly called Hyper Snack which sold meat on sticks, which is a fun choice for the whole family.


A big, empty cinema in a big empty shopping mall. It was a good experience (interval aside) though I did get my camera confiscated for taking pictures of the snack bar and a Skyfall poster (Skyfall, go see it. The first fifteen minutes are in Istanbul and are better than all of Taken 2). This did sour my experience a bit as I find being treated like a movie pirate does not fill me with girlish glee. To be fair to the staff they were polite about it so I won’t hold it against them but I will hold it against Donald Trump, because he’s a dickhead.

I give Trump Towers Sinema Three What The F**k Is That Haircuts Out of Five.

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